20 Signs You Are Failing Miserably at Your Fitness Goals
The makers of Spandex send you a cease-and-desist order.
My New Year’s resolutions are easy to remember because they are the exact ones I set last year…and for the last two decades.
The problem is my resolutions haven’t been all that resolute. In fact, some might define them as resolve-free. They seem to follow a similar pattern.
Jan. 1, 2009: This year I’m going to eat better, exercise more, and shed a few pounds. I am completely passionate, iron-willed and ferociously dedicated. I will attack with a vengeance, starting tomorrow.
Jan. 2: Today I made great strides by posting my resolutions on Facebook so everyone can hold me accountable, starting tomorrow.
Jan. 3: I deleted my resolutions from Facebook because they could be misinterpreted as bragging. Instead, I’ll blog as I achieve them, starting tomorrow.
Jan. 4: Unbelievable. I get a sore throat just when I was ready to start on my resolutions.
Jan. 1, 2010: This year, I’m going to eat better, exercise more, and shed a few pounds.
Hopefully, you are enjoying great success with your fitness resolutions. But if you are unsure, here are 20 signs to tell if you are failing miserably.
*All the personal trainers shout “dibs” when you enter the health club.
*The readout on your StairMaster keeps flashing the word “weenie”.
*The makers of Spandex send you a cease-and-desist order.
*The guys in the weight lifting area keep asking if you were sick as a child.
*You skinned your knees…while running on the treadmill. (Yes, that was me you saw falling at LifeTime Fitness…twice. Don’t ask.)
*When you swim laps, the lifeguard from the family pool keeps jumping in to rescue you.
*While recording the stats for your body mass index, your trainer says, “Well that’s a first.”
*You hear audible groans every time you walk by a scale.
*Six months into your club membership, the entry clerk still hands you the first-time visitor application form.
*You stop at Dunkin Doughnuts five times a week to “carb up”, but manage to actually exercise just once.
*The Dairy Queen staff welcomes you by name.
*You see a very scary picture of yourself posted at local fast-food restaurants.
*Your nutritionist performs an intervention.
*During your annual physical, your doctor gathers the entire staff to discuss your cholesterol. They all listen intently until one nurse shouts, “I win the pool!”
*You get a sympathy card signed by everyone in your fitness class.
*Your personal trainers keep getting fired for poor performance.
*Your health club invoice shows you spent more on smoothies than on dues.
*Your Dancercise instructor asks you to take the class online because you are scaring the other students.
*When showing your children your high school yearbook photo, they ask, “Who’s that?”
*Your treadmill freakishly phones 911 whenever you use the heart monitor.
Hopefully, you are not experiencing any of these failure signs. But if you are, don’t despair. There are only 11 more months until 2011.
Tags: Add new tag, Christian Humor, Fitness Humor, Health Club Humor, Humor, nutrion humor, personal trainer humor, Spandex Humor, Treadmill Humor
