Looking Upward
Only three players try to score in the wrong basket this week, so there is measurable progress.
Upward Basketball just concluded another season. If you have yet to view an Upward game, you are missing a rich experience. The season is eight weeks of raucous fun where kids learn basketball, sportsmanship, and the Bible.
My perspective is that of a referee for first and second graders. The little guys and gals are a hoot. Each week these beginning ballers make me laugh, blow my whistle in a fruitless effort to restore order, and occasionally cry (more on that later).
In the spirit of Sports Center, I’d like to share my favorite highlights from Upward’s 2010 season.
Week 1. Teams resemble armies of confused ants swarming a discarded grape, trying to push it into their respective anthills. The little ants clearly hear their ant coaches, who are furiously shouting instructions, but can’t process the information. Mostly, they keep dropping the grape. I call 21 traveling infractions and 19 double dribbles.
Week 2. The second week’s games are painful slow-motion replays of week one. Players are only slightly less stunned-looking. Coaches are wondering if God is punishing them. It is 8 a.m. and the stands are populated with a mixture of unshaven dads and coffee-deprived moms. Only three players try to score in the wrong basket this week, so there is measurable progress.
Week 3. I referee two girls’ games and am shocked at how disciplined they are compared with the boys. They can dribble and actually pass the ball to each other. A few even score. The games resemble real basketball. The girls’ parents are enjoying themselves, slapping high-fives, and proudly pointing out their offspring. At the boys’ court, parents are slumped in their seats, secretly hoping their neighbors are not watching.
Week 4. I get the girls again and I’m thrilled because they commit few fouls. At this age, the girls are polite and avoid contact. I love refereeing this age group because I’ve seen fifth grade girls play and, frankly, they terrify me.
Week 5. The other refs claim the girls’ games, so I brace myself for a ton of whistle-blowing. But amazingly, the boys have transformed. Nearly all can now dribble the ball, and they only take a few extra steps. Most have figured out they have to be within 10 feet of the basket before shooting their air balls. I look deep into the eyes of their parents and see the glimmer of hope.
Week 6. The boys have improved so much that the Upward Cheerleaders can now generate real smiles from parents, instead of the painful grimaces displayed during the early weeks. Parents excitedly record over the first few games on their camcorders.
Week 7. I referee a game featuring a team of semi-pro second-grade boys. The game starts with the semi-pros setting picks, fast-breaking, and calling out plays. Despite having some talent, the other team doesn’t know what hit them. I am shocked by the improvement since week one. Their parents are surfing the Web looking for college scholarships.
Week 8. Each year there is a special moment when the smallest, scrawniest kids score their first basket. Sometimes the coaches even lift them up so they can score. However it happens, it always brings tears to my eyes. The kids thrust an arm into the air, their teammates cheer, and their family celebrates. It’s a scene you rarely see in competitive leagues, but it happens all the time in Upward.
For many kids, this is their gold medal moment. Now excuse me. I seem to have any something stuck in my eye.
Tags: Basketball Humor, Christian Humor, first and second grade basketball humor, Humor, Looking Upward, Sports Humor, Upward Basketball, Upward Basketball Humor
